Celibacy is not the abnormal word it is sometimes made out to be. Individuals and couples make a conscientious decision to be celibate every day for a multitude of reasons. Celibacy takes on a different meaning for different people. Here, we are defining celibacy as lack of exchange of sexual body fluids with a partner. To further clarify what this entails are the following examples: Kissing is permissible; oral sex is not, masturbation with yourself or in front of a partner is permissible, touching that other partner is not. And of course, intimate acts such as anal sex, intercourse, digital (finger) sex are all off limits during a course of celibacy. For the individual engaging in celibacy, some of the most common reasons can include:

• Preferring “down time” after a serious break up
• An increased desire to understand ourselves better, specifically outside the realm of a sexual relationship
• To focus on getting to know prospective partners
• Religious beliefs
• Wanting someone to like you for you
• Fear of disease/pregnancy/discomfort talking about sex

     If, as an individual you are choosing celibacy then revel in the choice you have made by identifying some of the benefits to celibacy. Societal Expectation and pressures often times dictate the validity of our sexual choices. Individuals who make the decision to be celibate are painted to be nonfunctional or hiding something. Though this may be true in some cases, it is not true in all cases. Some ways to help identify the benefits to celibacy could include engaging in an activity in which you learn more about your mind and body and the connection they have with one another. If there is a concern in sharing this chosen lifestyle with others, please understand that you are in control of who you share this information with, it’s a personal decision. Connect with people who will accept you and accept the decision being made. Another component to remember with the choice of celibacy is that it does not mean zero sexuality. You can still be a sensual and sexual being with and for yourself. Common ways to experience this include using and learning from your senses. Some ways to accomplish this could include

• Maintain a journal. Writing down your thoughts, experiences and fantasies can be fantastic. Some journal writing ideas can include reflecting on some recent experiences had like hearing a song that really turns you on and then figuring out why it does or the smell of a certain flower reminds you of a comforting scent. This can help support you during the celibacy journey you are embarking on.
• Masturbate alone. Masturbation can be a wonderful way to provide your body with sexual release. You can have fun and still learn about what provides you with pleasure and an opportunity to fantasize about what you may want to do with a new partner, if you decide to take one on. This is also a time you can experiment with a variety of masturbatory toys.
• Tap into your sensual self by reading an erotic story or writing one of your own. Watch an adult video. What’s the point? This can heighten your imagination and awareness regarding what you enjoy sexually. It’s also important to remember that celibacy does not mean sexual deprivation with self.
• Getting a manicure or pedicure. An activity such as this provides you with moments of innocent touch and satisfaction. Allow yourself to enjoy and receive the pleasure of pampering yourself and having the pressure points on your feet or your hands be massaged. Experience the sensations.
• Take a dance class (tango, bellydance or samba). Learning and enjoying the movement of your own body can be tremendously enjoyable and sensual. Dance classes provide you with an opportunity to become connected with different parts of your body by connecting with the music. Not only do you get great exercise but it’s a way to use your sense of sound and touch!

written by The Center for Growth - Sex Therapy in Philadelphia

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