Maybe you are tired of your sexual routine or maybe you really crave some type of romance of specialness. Or, maybe you and your partner just never seem to make time for sex anymore and want to start by trying something different. Is so, this is the tip for you. How do you go about creating a mood for sex?

First of all, not everyone agrees on what makes a sexy mood. Try this brainstorming activity by yourself or with a partner. Make a list of things that you associate with sex, relaxation, and romance. Relaxation may seem odd to include in this list, but in order for us to get the most out of a sexual experience in terms of sensations , relaxation is often essential. Some of the items on your list might be things like: low lighting, scented candles, lingerie, a clean space, etc. You may want to try the tip, Getting More Out of Sex to give you more examples and to assist you. After you have made your list, look at the items on the list and ask yourself why you associate those items with sex. Is it because you feel those are things that you should associate with sex? Do you have actual experiences with these things and sex or do you find yourself feeling turned on thinking about the things are you list? Or, maybe these things just feel relaxing and help you feel more open to sex. For example, a clean space may feel relaxing and nurturing if you grew up in a household that was very cluttered.

     If you completed the exercise with a partner, share your answers with each other. Let your partner know why these items are on your list and ask him or her why the items were on his or her list. Pick items that both of you like to set the mood. For example, perhaps your partner finds jazz music to be relaxing and romantic. You may not have that on your list, but you would not mind that in your environment. Remember setting the mood is for both you and your partner. If you created the list by yourself, look at your list. Is there anything on there that you know your partner really does not like? Is there anything on the list that you know would be on your partner’s list? Try to pick items that appeal to you and your partner and also things that really appeal to you that your partner may not mind.

     The next step is to put your setting into action. If you are completing this with a partner, each person can pick a time for a date when you know the other person will be available and potentially open to sex and then set the mood. If you are setting the mood for yourself, you can pick a time that you partner is available and potentially open to sex and create the environment ahead of time. Don’t tell your partner what is in store for him or her. You can surprise your partner by leading him or her into your newly created romantic and sexy environment.

     Afterwards, make sure to give each other feedback. What did you like about the experience? What didn’t you like? How would you like things to be next time? Is setting a mood really important to you for sex or does it just enhance or supplement the sexual experience? You may find that putting this tip into action may teach you things about your partner that you may not have known otherwise.

 

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written by Jennifer Foust, Ph.D., M.S., LPC

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