: Are you tired of the same monotonous routine in the bedroom? Frustrated with your partners’ lack of creativity when it comes to touching you? You may be sexually bored. Don’t worry, you aren’t alone- your partner is most likely bored as well!  Many lovers find themselves in a sexual rut at some point.

Things you can do to break the cycle of boredom:

• Try talking sexy and/or dirty with your partner. If you have never done this before, start by using sexy positive language “a) your moans are turning me on.  B) Relax, I’m not going anywhere. I could be here all night with you.  C) I could touch you legs all night long. They feel so good.
• Play the A-B game.  To do so, touch your partner two different ways. The first touch is Choice A. The second touch is Choice B.  Then ask your partner to identify which touch they liked better. Whatever is chosen becomes Choice A.  Then repeat.  This exercise is similar to going to the eye doctor’s.  While doing this exercise remember the styles of touch that are enjoyed today, may not be liked tomorrow.  People’s likes and dislikes in the bedroom can be influenced by the order of touch, the mood of the person and the person’s emotional desire.  
• During intercourse change your positions. If you normally engage in the missionary position, try doggy style, or spooning. Maybe change the location. Have sex in the car, on the floor in the kitchen, standing in the shower. 
• Take the initiative and do what you want in the bedroom – stop waiting for your partner to be in control.
• Blindfold or handcuff your partner. Take control.  
• Mirror your partner, so that whatever movements they create, you echo. People typically touch you the way they like to be touched. Thus theoretically by mirroring them, you will be touching them just the way they like it!
• Switch up your typical style of kissing. If you usually give wet kisses, try dry kisses. If your kisses are long and passionate, go for short ones. 
• Experiment with different types of pressure to caress your partner.   
• Write your own erotica and share it with your partner. Or if you are not the creative type, read some erotica that other people wrote.
• Evoke fantasy.  Create a future sexual fantasy. Something that the two of you could do together in the future. The sexual acts should not be based in reality. Get creative. Think of making up your own science fiction novel – with a sexual twist.  
• As opposed to the typical progression of kissing, breast play, genital play and eventual intercourse, experiment with a new order. Try genital play, breast stimulation, kissing, and intercourse- try new things such as ear stimulation as well. Take a break from monotony!
• Experiment with a sexual act that the two of you have not done before, anal play, nipple clamps, vibrators, handcuffs, food, lubricatant.
• Attend an S&M ball or swing club together.
• Focus on sexual sensations – see if you can identify what types of touch turn you on or off, and share the positive stories with your partner.
• Make time to have good sex. Too often, sex is too rushed.  Good sex often begins the night before with a long build-up.
• Go to your local bookstore and pick up a sex book. Peruse it with your partner and discuss what you just read. Talk about which ideas turned you on, and which ones you were averse to.

written by Alex Caroline Robboy, CAS, MSW, LCSW

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