An important part of sexual experiences is touching. Knowing how you like your partner to touch you is sometimes the difference between a good sexual experience and a great sexual experience. Do you know how you like to be touched by your partner? If you do not know and go along with how your partner touches you, you may be missing out on more satisfying sex. If you are struggling with how to use touch to get the most out of sex, we’ve developed an exercise just for you.

      For those of you who are single, or are too embarrassed to show this tip to your lover, we’ve created an exercise geared to be done in the privacy of your own room by yourself.

1. First, create your environment for exploring these different types of touch on your body. You may want to create a comfortable, relaxing environment for yourself. The more comfortable and relaxed that you feel, the easier it will be to become fully involved in this exercise. A relaxing environment may include scented candles and soothing music, such as classical music or quiet jazz music.
2. Make sure that you have at least 20 minutes of uninterrupted time and privacy. Get undressed and get into a comfortable position either lying down or sitting up with some pillows behind your back. Take five minutes to close your eyes and breathe deeply. Concentrate on taking a deep breath in and then letting it out. Focus on how your body feels when you take a breath in and how it feels when you exhale. Taking five minutes to do some deep breathing before the touching exercise helps your body and your mind to relax, and helps you to focus more in the moment. By being relaxed and focused in the moment, it is easier to be in tune to and aware of all of the bodily sensations that occur with this exercise.
3. After you have done some deep breathing for five minutes, take 5 minutes to touch all parts of your body with these different types of touch:
   1. Soft – try touching your body using your entire hand with a light pressure touch.
   2. Hard – now try touching your body using more pressure than the soft touch, similar to a massaging touch but with little less pressure.
   3. Scratching- using your fingernails, use a scratching touch over your body.
   4. Feathery – using your fingertips only, touch all parts of your body very lightly.

       As you experiment with each type of touch notice how it feels. How would you describe the touch? Do you like it? What do you like about it? Would you like being touched like this sexually? If you dislike it, what do you dislike and why? While it might be easy to answer these questions silently in your head, try talking the answers out loud. Eventually you will need to find the words to communicate your idea(s) to your partner.

With A Partner

    If you have a partner and are willing to share, take the exercise a step further. Talk to your partner about what you learned during your individual touching exercise and ask him or her if you could try the exercise together. While you are laying down on your back, have your partner try the four different types of touch all over your body. Take five minutes for each type of touch. Let your partner know verbally or nonverbally (moaning, groaning) how you like each type of touch. After your partner has tried the four different types of touch with you, switch positions and try the four different types of touch on him or her, again for five minutes each. After each person has taken a turn, talk to each other about your experience by answering these questions:

• What kinds of touch do you like from your partner?
• Are they any types of touch that you did not like? Why or why not?

      Sometimes ways that you like touching yourself, you may not like from your partner. Similarly, you might find your partner touching you in better ways than you can touch yourself. If you find either of these to be the case for you, see if you can talk to your partner about that and how the touch is different from him or her. Sex can be such an enjoyable sensual experience. Getting to know what kinds of touches that we like can make for a more fulfilling sexual experience.

written by Jennifer Foust, Ph.D., M.S., LPC

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